» Comics - Read description - 04 Apr 11:23

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I'm sorry

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|-Himitsu-|, 04 Apr 11:49 ( Reply )

I'm terribly sorry guys! - I haven't been updationg in quite a while now, thought id't be time to actually talk about the reason I'm so slow at the moment.
I wan't to draw! I really do, I'm just not able to at the moment.

My room is a MESS!! Every time a step inside I feel bad for the fact that it looks the way it does, I want to take my time and really clean it for once instead of my quick cleanings which only causes me to be unable to find ANYTHING anymore.
Every single time I step into my room I feel stressed and my chest feels heavy. Even though I want to clean it I just don't have the time for it right now.
I'm too busy with school and friends and drawing requests and doujinshis and so on.. I guess that's why I feel so stressed about cleaning it. I already know I don't have time for it, so in the end I never even give it a try.
So every time I step into my room my drawing-mood drops and I just can't draw anyhing because all I can think of is how messy my room is.
--
School is being a bitch. Sometimes we have so many homework that I just break and starts to cry because I feel so stressed and unable to finish it on time.
One week we have absolutely NOTHING.
Then all of a sudden the week after that we can litterly get homework in EVERY single class we attend!
We can have at least 5 homework and at the same time be studying for at least 2 tests.
I honestly have assingments that were supposed to be finnished MONTHS ago! Last month I was able to finish an asignment that were handled out just a couple of weeks after school STARTED.
And so, after we started getting so much homework my drawing time decreased from drawing a little every day or at least every second day to only being able to sit down and draw on weekends.
I used to be able to make at least 3 pages a week as a minimum, now you guys would be lucky if you even got 1 page every weekend, and I can't even make that many..
--
I'm having huge problems with my friends right now. We're not really fighting, but we do share discussions that I whish never occured. Sadly they do.
My friends are starting to believe I don't care about them anymore. I do care. I really do. It's just that I have a really bad personality.
I'm rather selfish and always seem to put myself in first hand even though I HATE it when I do that. Also I have always prefered playing alone rather than spending time with friends which really isn't making it any easier, it only makes it worse.
I get up at 5AM every single morning to catch the train to school which takes 50 minutes. It may not sound so bad, but sitting down doing NOTHING for 50 minutes actually makes you EXHAUSTED! I never thought it did, but now I know it does.
So when friday arrives almost 10 HOURS of my wek has been spent sitting down on the train so I'm just to exhausted to hang out with anyone. When friday arrives I just wanna crawl into bed and sleep untill 2PM and then do nothing but draw and play piano (which I have no tame to do anymore). So I almost always turn my friends down when they ask me to hang out with them.
It's not that I want to be alone every single weekend, I'm just too exhausted to be with anyone...
--
Right now I'm starting to have another attack of an identity crisis. I am deadly scared that it will come around the corner and swallow me into nothing again.
Who am I?
Is this really me?
Is this really how I want to be?
Are my friends right, am I getting selfish?
If this is my true self, then why do I hate it so bad?
--

Right now I need to reconsider who and what I should spend most time on.
I need to try to spend as much time as possible with my dearest and loved ones.

Yes, you guys ARE a part of my dearest and loved ones, I really mean that. Whitout you guys my doujinshis would be nothing.
But right now I can't put you guys in the first place anymore.

I which I could

I really do

But I don't want to loose my friends

I might not be able to draw that fast and often anymore
But I'm not saying that I'm going on hiatus or quitting, I'll keep drawing as often as I can.

But it won't be as often as it normally is.



I'm really sorry


I just don't want to break again..


//Wissler

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Reader Comments:

  ( Reply )

i understand my rooms a mess as well youre not alone

posted by idontknowszz on 04 Apr 17:37





 
( Reply )

It's alright, I hope you feel better soon. You deserve better.

If you're willing to do so much for your friends, you are a great person. And everyone has flaws, so it's really alright. ^^

Everyone will support you here! x3 *huggles*

posted by kurozaki on 04 Apr 18:23



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